Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize