Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
