Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
home. puking in laundry basket.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
