you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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