After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
