we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
