im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
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Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
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His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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