He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
