Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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