Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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