I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
