She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So. Much. Porn.
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