hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
