I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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