The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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