Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
