I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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