Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
