Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
