Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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