First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
