Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
