my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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