woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
