The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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