I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
