I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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