it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
