i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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