May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I need a beard to bite.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
