im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
