a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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