I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
