I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
