Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
