Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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