I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
