talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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