If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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