i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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