smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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