mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
