maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
