While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
