I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
