Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
