She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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