I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
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Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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