Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
