I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
