After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
