Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you had me at cake vodka
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
