Sober January is a disaster.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
