whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
