One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
