When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
