I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
