i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
