how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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