With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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