I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
