Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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